Why I'm currently refusing to date someone's ashy ass son. . .

Dating sucks! 100% sucks. No I'm not bitter (not totally anyway) and no I'm not looking in the wrong places (I mean . . . I totally could be, but this post is not about me and my issues). Dating just generally sucks. In my opinion, there are many reasons why dating sucks. Men are trifling and lazy, women are lowering their standards to accommodate these men(z) and their trifling behavior, and we live in a society that values causal sex over love, etc. I could go on . . . but, like, does anyone have the damn time?!

Now, add the fact that I'm a 20 something professional Black woman. Ugh! I'm cute AF, clever, and never really had trouble "attracting" men. However, men never seem to hold my attention, are intimidated, attempt to half ass date me or they have some latent insecurity that they use to manipulate my emotions (true sh*t). Now, I'm not saying this is typical of all women in my demographic, as no experience is identical. I'm not even saying all men are trash, there are some really good dudes out there, I hope. All that being said, I'm sure someone reading this will touch and agree.

As someone who personally values marriage (spare me the argument about "that's not the only thing I should value or aspire to obtain or have." We not gettin that deep today), dating is an unnecessary evil to that end goal. But F**K THAT!! I'm protesting the act of dating. Which sucks because I'm "secretly" a hopeless romantic and the sport of dating is actually fun and entertaining.

Unfortunately, dating requires a level of vulnerability that I can't bare to spare (a b*tch got bars). Opening yourself up requires a level of trust that I haven't fully learned to give someone. The few times I have allowed myself to be vulnerable with ex's/flings, I've had those vulnerabilities manipulated at my expense. Understandably, I'm a little beat up and bruised. I have a few walls built that only a man with genuine intentions will be able to break down. So basically, a b*tch got trust issues lol

Pushing my personal sh*t aside (I'm working on it with my therapist), a big reason I'm protesting the act of dating is because y'all ashy sons are L-A-Z-Y. If we are dating, you will actually have to DATE me. Some women are okay with Netflix and chill, going dutch, and lack luster conversation over appetizers at Applebee's. Not she!!! Effort and consistency are important elements of dating that some ashy men don't seem to value! We don't have to go to RPM steak, hell I'd be satisfied with Lou Malnati's followed by comedy show, or a stroll through the park. Some of my favorite dates have been simple and sweet. Let's go to the farmers market and pick up things to cook together. Let's go to the museum or the zoo and chat about Love and Hip Hop. Let's meet at a coffee shop and shoot the sh*t for an hour or two. SIMPLE. Unfortunately, some men think it's asking too much to be courted, or to be given a couple days notice of their intent to see me. I'm not a "roll through" type of girl and you for damn, ain't bout to leave an ass print on my furniture and "fake" watch a movie hoping to get some ass. PASS. (Another bar)

Let's not forget the sub group of men who'd rather send the unsolicited d*ck pick or ask for nudes. One, who raised you? Two, absolutely not! Nudes are earned (and you'll be getting a recycled pic) and d*ck pics, especially unsolicited pics, are never OK. Then there are the men who assume because you have standards, that you are a "gold digger". Let's be clear, you gotta have gold for me to dig. BRUH! Or the men who have unrealistic expectations of women.They want a woman with a phat ass and "itty bitty" waist while they rock a keg belly. A woman who can cook but doesn't have kids. These men look for women to "bring something to the table" but don't actually have a table for the potluck. I've literally been on a date with a guy who said he didn't want to date a woman with kids, but he had a child of his own (which he didn't previously disclose). BYE ASHY! Ya'll are exhausting.

As someone who is still figuring it all out, I'm in this space of refusing to compromise my relative peace for the sake of having someone. Especially, since most men aren't coming with genuine intentions. After a while you can become disenchanted and jaded. Personally, I can't wait to love and give myself unconditionally to someone deserving and genuine. Someone who I can trust fully to handle my heart in its most fragile state. Someone to laugh with for hours and with whom I can share my secrets and wildest dreams with. A homie lover friend of sorts.

Currently, I get along just fine by myself. While companionship is something I want and desire, I'm not willing to bend at the moment. I'm open but I refuse to lower my standards. I genuinely don't ask for much--consistency, effort, honesty. I certainly pray that this moment of "protest" will pass and eventually I'll feel like dusting myself off and "getting back out there". However, in the meantime, my husband/boo/ HomieLoverFriend will have to ring my damn doorbell.*